🌿 The Lies We Start to Believe While Waiting
June 24, 2026
I remember very vividly a season where I was praying for the salvation of a loved one and the restoration it would bring to my family.
In 2014, while I was 7 months pregnant with Astin, Aeryn—4 years old at the time—and I packed up our things and moved to Pittsburgh to be with his father. I had no idea that in less than four months, I would be returning alone on a one-way ticket, with my 4-year-old at my side and a 5-week-old baby on my chest.
I would like to say that I was devastated. And while I was deeply hurt, in my limited understanding of God at the time, I knew this:
it was unrighteous to be in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, and living together outside of covenant would only create a stronger foothold for the enemy.
I wrestled with this up until the very last minute. I almost chose to stay in Houston apart from him for that very reason. But in the end, I conceded.
I moved away from my family to try and create the family I had never experienced… but deeply wanted for my children.
So while I was crushed, this solo return—my first of many journeys back to myself—reminded me of something I already knew:
Without God at the center and foundation, no matter what I build… it will not stand.
— Book of Psalms 127:1
After relocating back to Houston, at just 24 years old, I found myself trying to figure out how to live alone as a single mother—not of one, but two small children.
I was building a life from scratch… without a blueprint.
I had parented Aeryn alone before, but never in a million years did I imagine I would become a single mother twice over.
I was crushed.
I was angry.
I was sad.
And I was bitter.
At this point, I knew God…
but I didn’t truly know Him.
And I realized that if I was going to survive this season, I would have to truly get to know Him—and introduce Him to Ariel… scars and all.
So I pressed in.
I began attending church with my aunt, where I found a mentor.
I joined Bible study.
I began serving on the prayer team.
I practiced abstinence.
I started changing my habits and renewing my mindset.
God was doing an inner work in me that could have only come through breaking.
I was also in college at the time, and I still remember how, after a full day of school, commuting, cooking dinner, and getting the kids settled…
I couldn’t wait to get into the presence of the Lord.
I would stay up for hours reading His Word and praying.
His Word became life to me.
And for a long time… it was the only thing sustaining me.
In that season, I learned how to pray the Scriptures.
I had specific scriptures I would pray over my children, myself, and those I loved. But even more specifically… I had scriptures I prayed over their father.
I prayed for his heart.
His soul.
The company he kept.
His fatherhood.
The man he would become.
His purpose.
My journals were filled—pages soaked with tears even to this day.
But the more I prayed…
the more it seemed like things became more chaotic.
Further from what I had been asking God for.
Have you ever experienced that?
It’s almost as if, the moment you begin to pray, the enemy tries to convince you that your prayers aren’t getting through.
And I knew the Word.
I knew what God said about prayer:
— First Epistle of John 5:14–15
“Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us…”
But with each passing day…
week…
month…
and eventually year…
I watched others come to Christ.
Be transformed.
Get married.
I even saw people who didn’t live for God… seemingly in marital bliss.
And slowly, a thought crept in:
I must have missed it.
Surely it is God’s will for my children to be raised in a godly home… with a godly marriage. Right?
I was praying according to His will.
I was living righteously.
So why wasn’t it happening for me?
And this is where the shift began.
Not overnight.
Not loudly.
But slowly…
With every thought…
every disappointment…
every moment that felt like unanswered prayer…
My heart began to break.
My prayers became less frequent.
And what I believed… began to change.
Not just about myself…
but about God.
I started to believe things like:
- I’m not good enough
- Nobody will ever love me
- No one will want me because I have children
- No one will love my children
- I’ve fallen too far for God to redeem me
- God answers others… but not me
- Maybe this just isn’t His plan for my life
And just like that…
My identity shifted.
My confidence faded.
And while I still knew God was good…
In this one area of my life…
I had yet to experience Him as faithful.
In every season, God is with you.
Even when it’s quiet.
Even when you can’t trace Him.
Even when you cannot feel Him.
I didn’t know it then, but God was building character in me.
With every prayer, He was breaking down my pride and stripping me of the things that kept me far from Him.
He was giving me the eyes to see others the way that He does.
And He was teaching me to remain faithful…
even when I couldn’t trace His activity.
— Book of Isaiah 59:1 reads:
“Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened,
that it cannot save;
nor His ear heavy,
that it cannot hear.”
The very next verse explains that it is sin—premeditated, habitual, or deep-seated—that separates people from God.
But when you are walking righteously before Him, an unanswered prayer is not always denial…
Sometimes, it is divine redirection.
Because redirection isn’t rejection—
it is God’s perfect protection.
In January of 2025, my son invited his father to church.
While on the call, his father said he would think about it. And while still on the phone, I mouthed to Astin to tell him how much it would mean if he came.
He did.
The very next day, he showed up—on time and present.
We are a part of a prophetic church, where each Sunday, teams go up and prophesy to guests.
As they went up, I silently prayed that he would receive a word.
He didn’t.
Later, our pastor asked who had brought visitors. I went up and shared that my children’s father was in attendance because of my son’s invitation.
The entire church celebrated him.
As the service continued and our leader began ministering at the altar, he asked if anyone in the room had his name.
No one responded.
Not even him.
Eventually, a friend gently brought him forward.
And in an instant…
I was reminded of every prayer I had prayed.
Not for reconciliation…
but for his life.
For his soul.
Every tear.
Every moment of frustration.
Every unanswered prayer.
In that moment, he received a powerful word from God.
And as a result…
he gave his life to the Lord.
Our leader said something I will never forget:
“It was the prayers of a mother that held you all these years.”
I didn’t say it out loud…
But I knew.
That mother was me.
And in that moment—
more than ever before—
I found God to be faithful.
If you are struggling with your faith…
or your identity…
because of unanswered prayers—
Let me gently encourage you:
God hears you.
God sees you.
God is working… even now.
🌿 Prayer
God, thank You for Your unwavering love.
Thank You for working in the forefront and even behind the scenes where I cannot see.
Teach me to trust You when I cannot trace You,
and to call to remembrance Your faithfulness
when my circumstances—and even the enemy—try to challenge that truth.
God, I trust You.
Not because I understand…
Not because I can see my way through…
But because You are faithful.
And if I am in Your hands,
then I know that I am safe.
Hold me in times of uncertainty
and strengthen my resolve.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
🌿 Grounded in Grace 🌿
